When Life Changes and No One Updates Their Expectations

Your life changed. But the expectations didn't.

Not yours. Not other people's. And now you are trying to perform at a level that no longer fits the reality you are actually living in.

This episode is not about starting over. It is about learning to build honestly from where you actually are. Your constraints are not disqualifiers. They are design parameters. And there is a real difference between failing and simply needing to redesign.

If you have been carrying the weight of a life that no longer fits, this one is for you.

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Transcript

   Hey, if you've ever had your life changed and no one updated their expectations that have been placed on you, this episode is for you. Now, this is not about starting from scratch. It is more about learning how to move forward when your reality no longer matches, the life you were trying to maintain.

And if you've been asking yourself whether quietly or having conversations,

and wondering if this life is for you or if there is a way forward. There is. So let's talk about it now. Before we go into it, I just wanted to mention that I'm trying something new. Trying to see video podcast. I'm trying to see how I can as well move forward with my life, even though there are changes that have occurred, and this is my way of figuring things out.

So. Okay, I'm glad that you're here. But before we go anywhere, I would like you to take a moment to pause and clench your jaws. Drop your shoulders and take a deep breath.

And the reason I'm asking you to do this is because I want you to be present. I'm learning a thing or two about somatic experiences, how your nervous system reacts to things. And that is why I am intentional about being aware of how the state in which your body is, because that matters even though you may or may not be aware of it.

This is different getting used to this setup, and if you're listening to this on the audio podcast, I'm also recording for YouTube. That is why I am, there are a few nuances that I'm trying to figure out, and I'm sure I'll get better with with time.

I wanted to share something with you today and wanted to remind you that you are not behind, you are not broken, you are not disqualified, you are just adjusting. And there is a big difference between all of these things, and I'm talking, like I said, from experience because there was a time when. My health changed, my capacity changed, you know, the version of the life that I thought I would have, it no longer fit because, life looked so much different than what I was used to.

Right. And for me, the hardest part wasn't change. It was. When I was trying to force myself to perform at the level which I used to perform before, that's the old version of who I was. I wanted to keep it up so badly. I wanted to match the expectations I had set for myself and the expectations that others had set for me.

I was trying my best to prove that nothing had changed. But my body was telling a different story. It was, trying to get me to listen, but. I wasn't listening, but eventually I had to confront that something was uncomfortable. Something, had changed and this new reality was not going anywhere.

This is the life that I have now, and I have to get with the program, right? I had to structurally change everything. So instead of asking myself, how do I get back to how my life was, I started asking, in this new reality of mine, what actually fits what makes sense. Now, this shift didn't come from motivation.

It came from sitting down and having an honest conversation, realizing that the new constraints that I'm experiencing does not disqualify me. Rather, there are opportunities that I have been given to design. I call them design parameters, right? Because every life has a constraint, whether it is health, whether it is money, whether it is energy, whether they're responsibilities or time.

We all have constraints that we're working under. And the thing is, most of us burn out because we're trying to design a life that ignores the constraints that we are experiencing. And the thing is, you try to fight your reality and you're trying to fight that, this reality might not be real.

But the question is, what if you can build something within this new reality that you have now? As I'm talking, you might be looking at your life and you're like, girl, my life is different. I don't think you understand, what I'm going through. And to be fair, I don't know what your life looks like, right?

So I can't give you generic advice, but I want to be clear that,. Alignment does not mean you have to be irresponsible. It doesn't mean throw your life away. It doesn't mean you should just, quit your job. Impulsively because it's not your new reality. It doesn't mean that you should abandon your responsibilities.

It doesn't mean that you should pretend that bills do not exist. It means that you need to make decisions that respect both the reality you are living in and the responsibilities that you have, and that is what makes the difference, right? So you can honor your limitations. Without abandoning your ambition, and that is why you have to build your life differently from what it used to be before.

Whew. Wow. I think we should sit with this for a moment because I feel like I've said a lot

and the thing is, when everything felt overwhelming for me. Um, in my life, um, if you are watching on YouTube and you've watched the Rebuild series, you'd have a bit of understanding of what I'm talking about. And if you're watching anywhere else apart from YouTube, I do have a series called the Rebuild Series.

It's a 10 episode, series that I recorded, and it'll give you more context about just a bit of my life and how it changed. Or if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you have quite a bit of understanding. And as I was saying, like when everything felt overwhelming for me, I stopped asking,

how do I fix this? I started asking better questions like, what do I actually have in my hands? What would move me forward sustainably, not dramatically. What decisions would create compounding relief instead of short term validation? And to be honest with you, this questions grounded me a lot. They helped me move from panic to design and

from comparison to ownership, from performance to alignment. Now I wanna say something to you who is listening to this or watching this, and in your thinking, I'm capable. I'm not lazy, I am not confused, but something is just not working anymore. Now, this is something I want you to hear.

See, so you're not weak for needing to redesign your life around your new realities. You are actually wise for noticing it. There is nothing shameful about recalibrating or readjusting, right? There is nothing shameful about admitting that something is wrong and the version of you that ex, that used to exist is dead or it doesn't exist anymore.

There is nothing disqualifying about starting with what you actually have. It is actually honorable.



Now the truth is sometimes what feels like failure is actually just misalignment. It is actually just burn out. It is a signal that your design no longer matches your reality. Now. Sometimes it is frustrating, of course. But one thing that I can tell you is all these things signal.

It is data, it is information. It is telling you that there is, something wrong. And if you ignore that information, that is when your body will decide for you. And let me tell you, I have learned this the hard way.

It is not a good lesson to learn that way. Sometimes you say experience is the best teacher. I used to believe that saying, but right now I believe that letting experience teach you very costly and sometimes repercussions are great, right? So here's something I want you to do. I want you to stop looking at yourself and.

Your new reality, like you failed, right? Because you are not starting over. Think of it this way. You have the opportunity, you have free will, you have life, and there's nothing wrong in starting over and it isn't even starting over. I don't know why we make it seem like, it's bad to start over.

You're not starting over. You're just building differently and you have that right every right to build differently. Once you realize, and you know, with the mindset that I've given you, and if you've listened to everything that I've said, you're building differently, you are building honorably, you are not behind.

You are just redesigning your life. And redesigning requires a certain level of honesty. It deserves, a conversation to be had for you to acknowledge where you are. I feel like you should give yourself grace because you're brave. Very brave because many people will ignore it and continue to live life with dissatisfaction.

Now we are sometimes,

sometimes we fall into the trap of, comparing our lives with our peers or the people we see that are ahead of us. And one thing that has given me comfort personally is my journey is different from every other person's journey. Is it hard to accept? Yes. But once you understand your season in life, just run your race.

Redesigning your life and being honest with yourself helps you understand that you are working your path, you're working the path that you've set for yourself and nobody else's path or nobody's idea of what progress should look like. And that is liberating.

Let me tell you, super, super liberate, super liberating. The English has run away super liberating, right? So progress should match your actual life, not somebody's highlight reel. And we're in this system these days where everybody just puts the highlights of their lives on Instagram, on YouTube short or YouTube or TikTok, and we're comparing ourself with somebody's highlights moment.

That's not reality. That's just curated content. We should be happy for them, yes, but don't compare your life with somebody else's. Now, if your life has shifted in a way that is hard for you to keep up and no one has handed you. A new blueprint. This is your permission to stop forcing the old one. Put your feet on the ground.

Take a slow breath.

You are allowed to build from here. From where you are. You are doing fine because it's okay. To build from where you are now and where, not where you used to be, right? Not for who people expect you to be.

Ooh.

You are allowed to build from here, not from who people expect you to be. From where you are now and that version of you, it is not disqualified.

So I'll see you in the next episode.