There's something wild about losing something you took for granted. The ability to move, the ability to get up and do things without thinking because we don't realize how much we're always moving until we can't. When I lost mobility in my legs, it wasn't just my body. I needed to heal. It was my mind, my relationship with work, rest, and execution.
And because when you're forced to slow down, when the thing that kept you going is suddenly stripped away, you start to ask yourself, who am I if I'm not constantly moving? That's what we're talking about today. Hey, friend. Welcome to the Keren Elijah podcast. If this is your first time here. I'm Keren.
Your follow through mentor. But today, this episode isn't about productivity. It's about what happens when you literally can't produce. Because I went through that and it changed everything. So today I want to share what it was like to lose my mobility, what that season forced me to confront and how.
I had to completely relearn execution, rest, and purpose because maybe you're in a season like that right now. Maybe life has forced you to slow down and you don't know how to move forward anymore. If that's you, fear not. This episode is for you.
Now you are wondering. How can she have lost her mobility? What's she talking about? Well, let me share a little about how that happened and how I processed it. So I'll never forget the moment I realized I couldn't just get up. And do like I used to do, if I'm going to use an example, it would be like Samson in the Bible after Delilah cut his locks off, and then just like Samson, the Philistines here again, and in his mind he thought I would do as I used to do before.
Yeah. And then stood up with power and nothing. Well, yes. That's how we felt. It felt helpless. If I'm being honest, at that moment, I was un bothered because I was sick, and it started out like a joke. I was. On a train ride with my mom. We traveled because my dad received an award. Yay, dad. We were on our way from Abuja to Kaduna.
During the train ride, I was like, I'm in pain. My legs hurt. I can't sit still. I practically sat down on my mom's leg and she was laughing when she was like, when we get back, I need to get you to the hospital to check you out. I was feeling so feverish and I was like, okay. Why not? It was an uncomfortable ride.
I was like, okay, must be something. I must have been exhausted. It was a very busy weekend. After we got home, I was like, I still don't feel good. I feel a bit feverish. So she was like, go to the pharmacy and get some anti-malaria, anti fever. I just felt very hot and my skin was uncomfortable.
The driver took me, they were laughing at me because they're like, Keren. They don't call me Keren, but they call me mama. It's like, mama, you're wearing sweater in Nigeria. You are always so hot then something is wrong with you. So we went to the clinic. I got some anti malaria. I came back home and it went downhill from there.
I went to lie down and I was shivering and then all of a sudden I was like, I can't feel my fingers. I can't feel part of my legs, my toes. And mind you, this is just a few months after my sister passed away. My sister passed away in February. This was October? My mom was panicking because before that we've had a series of many frightening things happen to my family. So we're always on edge. My mom was like, I'm not taking chances. She doesn't driving at night, but she was like, I don't care. I'm going to take you to the hospital. So we got dressed.
Took me to the hospital, I walked into the car myself with just a little support, and then all of a sudden we went to the hospital, get down from the car. I couldn't move and get out of the car, so I had to be wheeled in and I don't know what happened next because I was out of it.
But I do know that I got a lot of injections, like a truckload of it, and I was admitted. And yes, I found out later that I had celebral malaria. And it affected my legs and my ability to walk. Yes. And I'm glad that I'm alive because death was knocking on my door like, Hey, come over and Jesus saved me.
Hallelujah. But yes, it's funny now, but everyone was traumatized and scared of what was gonna happen. I think I would like my mom's point of view on this sometime in the future. 'cause it was terrifying from what I've heard. But yeah.
Oh my god. It's funny. Now I'm a bit better. I'm still wobbling my way. Through life, but, I'm better than stuck. I'm moving one step at a time. I'm practicing what I preach.
But during this process, it wasn't funny at all. I had to sit with the reality, with the reality that the one thing I always relied on, which was movement, was no longer available to me in the same way. And if I'm being honest, that was terrifying because I had to be carried to do every single thing. I mean everything to go to the bathroom, to eat, to even lie down properly, for so long I tied my worth with my ability to keep up, to get things done, to push through, and to always be on the move. Because if you've been abroad and you've lived there for a while, you know you have to move. So when I couldn't do that anymore, I felt lost, genuinely lost.
And maybe you know that feeling the moment when life forces you to stop by stopping feels like failure.
And what if? What if, what if slowing down is an invitation? Because to me, it was what I learned during this period. Was I needed rest and I need to change my view on execution and photo through. I've always struggled with rest. I mean, I used to have it like I'm going to rest. I was always mis independent it, and my friends would be like, Keren, ask for help if you need help, we're here.
I tried to rest, but mentally my brain was always on overdrive. If you're a deep thinker like me, if you're a perfectionist, if you recovering people pleaser, you might relate. I used to think that resting. Equals falling behind. There are many times in my life where I fell behind and I know I'm not the only one many of us feel like if we're not producing, we're not progressing. But what happened when I lost my mobility is that I had to be confronted with the truth, the truth that rest is not the enemy. Slowing down does not mean you're failing and sometimes God forces you to pause so that you can rebuild the right way.
And listen, I don't believe that God caused this situation to happen to me, but I believe he has used it to rewire the way that I move and the way that I live life.
I've had no choice but to slow down. But in that slowness, I have realized that God has been asking me to move differently. For a very long time, he had been nudging me to shift in the way that I was walking so that it didn't drain me. But I was so used to pushing forward and hustling that I didn't know how to listen.
Oh my God. When I physically couldn't push through, I had no choice but to surrender to him. In fact, while I was on my bed bound to it, I was still pushing through. I even was featured in a magazine because. I am a go-getter and it's funny 'cause right now what I do and what's in that magazine, you can look it up.
Bold Journey. They're not the same thing. But because I wanted to keep going and not feel like a failure, I kept pushing through. I walked on eBooks, so many things, I was afraid to stop to feel like a failure to rest.
But sometimes God actually forces us to stop or pause to redirect our attention somewhere. And if there's something I want you to pick from this is I don't want you to hit a wall like I did and feel like you are broken. I want you to hear this. You do not have to prove yourself by exhausting yourself.
What happened after I had hit my wall and how did I have the ability to move from God this is broken. I'm overwhelmed. I'm terrified to, okay, what can we do? What are you saying, Lord? So here's the shift that happened and how I'm doing life now. I'm still learning, by the way, but I have learned to stop rushing to stop forcing things, and I've stopped to try to move at the pace that isn't sustainable for me.
I had to come to the real reality that. My mind, my body, my spirit and soul were'nt in sync. We were just moving and coasting because I had been in survival mode for so long. What my heart wanted, what my spirit was telling me, what God was telling me and what my body was doing were totally different.
There was a misalignment there. I don't know why I was rushing after being stuck for so long or trying to do things my way. I had to slow down and it was terrifying. Mostly because of the emotional weight of everything it wasn't that I was afraid to die because this year, well last year, 2024 was a, yeah, it was a year.
A year of survival, a year of emotional growth, I would say. Last year was the first time I grieved for a lot of people that I had lost. I've been losing a lot of people some people so dear to me.
For the past five years, I've lost someone so dear, and I didn't have the time or the luxury to actually grieve because I was always on the move to get that dollar, to run the business, to do things this time. I had to move differently. I had to come to terms with the reality of my life.
And the truth was I didn't know if I was ever going to be able to walk again. But I'm grateful for grace and the love of God that kept me sane through it all and the love of my family. Thank you, mom. Dad. Siblings and all the staff, everyone that helped me through, because honestly, everyone was saying I was a trooper, but I was just like, honestly, I felt like God protected my mind in all of this.
I was terrified, but I was sure that there was hope and I had to ask myself some questions like, what kind of life do I actually want to live? What kind of business do I actually want to have? What kind of daily routine feels good to me? I had nothing but time on my hands, and I had time to reflect
I did, and ask myself questions I did, and John, my thoughts and my experiences and look at life and read and research.
And if I'm being real with you, it wasn't easy because for so long I had been addicted to hustle, and to proving my worth through my output. But I started to realize if I don't build this life the way that's sustainable for me, what is the point?
So what do I want you to take from this? Maybe you haven't lost your mobility like I did. But maybe you're in a season where life has forced you to slow down. Maybe you're in a transition, maybe you are burnt out, maybe things feel uncertain and you don't know how to move forward. If that's you, I want you to know this.
You don't have to move at anyone's pace. You don't have to prove yourself through exhaustion, and you are still worthy even when you are resting.
What if your slow down isn't a setback? What if is an invitation to finally build a life that actually fits you?
Whew.
So here's my question for you. Where in your life have you been forcing movement? Instead of trusting the peace God is actually calling you to? What would it look like if you moved differently? To choose peace over pressure to build in a way that feels good to you? I want you to take a moment and ask yourself, what is one way I can shift into a more sustainable rythm today?
And if this resonated with you, I want to hear from you. So DM me on Instagram @thekerenelijah, and tell me what one way you are learning to move differently in this season.
And if you're looking for a structured way to execute, you can join the wait list to be the first to know where my guide move now is released. I'm excited about it, really excited about it 'cause I'm putting my heart, soul, and body into it. It's a simple and no pressure way to take action without burnout.
So click in the show notes and join the wait list. I'll see you in the next episode. Ciao.
