There are moments in life that split you in two, the you before it happened, and the you after it did. And grief. Grief does that. It rides your reality without your permission. It takes every day familiar and makes it foreign. It forces you to ask questions you never thought you'd have to ask. What really matters?
Who am I with? The person without the person I lost? How? How do I move forward when moving at all feels impossible.
I didn't plan to talk about this today. Honestly, for a long time I didn't know if I ever could. But today I want to share a story, not about grief, but about what comes after it.
Because when the world moves on, but you feel frozen in place, what do you do then? That's what we're talking about today. Welcome back to the Keren Elijah Podcast. If this is your first time here. I'm Keren. I'm a follow through mentor, but today I'm not here to teach you anything or share some profound strategies.
I'm here as a woman who has lived through deep loss, I know this episode is different from. What I usually talk about, but this is real life and honestly nothing has shaped my approach to faith, execution, and purpose more than grief. Today I'm not giving you three things to push through. I'm just sharing what I've learned the hard way because maybe you're here right now, maybe you're navigating lost transition or a season that's forcing you to rethink anything.
Oh, and if you are, I need you to know you're not alone.
I don't think you can ever be ready to do someone you love, because when it happens, it's not just their absence that you feel. It's the weight of all the things they never get to do, and suddenly. All the things I was waiting on, all the plans, I was overthinking, all the opportunities I was afraid to take.
Didn't feel deep anymore. They felt urgent. Grief puts a mirror in front of your life and asks, is this how you really want to be living? And if the answer is no, then why are you still waiting?
My sister was young. She had dreams, plans, things she wanted to do, and in an instant time stole that from her. I remember sitting with that reality. The reality that tomorrow is never promised are the things I kept saying one day about one day isn't guaranteed, and I had to ask myself, am I actually living my life or am I just existing in it?
Let me share a little about my sister. Before I talk about how losing her changed me, I want to take a moment to tell you who she was, because my sister was more than the grief that I carry. She was light, she was the life of a party. She could be very annoying. But Daniella, Didi, as she liked to be called was the life of a party.
She could. Carrie, the whole room. She had a way of controlling the energy effortlessly in your room. If she was happy, we were happy. If she was sad, you would take a lot for you to not be sad with her. She had that pool to people and she was growing and blooming into such a beautiful woman.
What hurt me the most about her death was that I had been away from home for about 10 years due to life. Another episode coming about that, but I had been away. We hadn't seen each other physically for 10 years, and I just come back home after 10 years away and before I came back. Oh my God. Every single day she was so excited, sending messages, calls.
I'm going to hug you. I'm going to kiss you. I'm going to touch you. That's what she was saying, you know, and I was so excited about that. And wow, boy, boy, when I came back, she was glued to me. She danced, she hugged me. She just showed me. How much she missed me. She was like, my sister, my sister, my sister.
Me too. I can now say my sister, my sister. When we go out together and show them. We spent less than two weeks together. Life happened. But when I look back at her life. Like her, the void she has left cannot be fueled. She can never be replaced. I know Daniella had many dreams She wanted to accomplish many things
she, I'm so grateful I had her as my sister there are many moments I really wish we had gotten to spend When I think about it. I'm like, oh my children wouldn't get an auntie, you know? Or I wouldn't have nieces from her, you know, or her wedding day or my wedding day. When we are thinking about stuff like that, about all those moments, she would have been there because I know the kind of energy she would bring.
I mean, now I can laugh about it because I know by God's grace, she's in a better place and I, we do not mn like the world does. But yes, I don't want this episode to be like
some down thing because I genuinely love her. And I don't want her to be only remembered as, oh my God, the pain of the grief. She's so much more than that.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad that I'm able to laugh about this because it's, it's in a few days. It'll be a year since she's gone. And in that time I've learned that grief doesn't just break your heart. It breaks the way you see the world. For a long time, I thought purpose was about building something big.
Impact. Influence, making sure I did things right. But after losing Didi, purpose became something so much smaller. Did I love people? Well, today, did I show up in a way that honored what God gave me? Did I choose peace over pressure? And honestly, that made me rethink everything the way I walk, the way I show up, the way I'm moving my calling.
Because if I don't have peace in the process, what's the point of it all?
Grief slowed me down a lot. Not just emotionally, but physically. A few months after losing my sister, I lost my mobility. I couldn't walk, I had to relearn how to move, and just like a baby, I had to learn how to stand. I had to learn how to crawl.
I had to learn how to walk again through physical therapy, massage therapy, and it may seem dramatic, but it's exactly what grief does. This mobility issue is not exactly as a result of grief only. But I'll share that deeper in a different episode.
Grief takes away the version of you that used to exist, and suddenly you have to, you know, relearn how to grieve, how to work without burning yourself out. How to show up when you feel like hiding. And how to rebuild, not just from survival mode, but in a way that actually feels good.
I used to think execution was about discipline. Just push through, get it done, be consistent. But when grief, hit, discipline was not enough, I needed grace. I needed slowness. I needed to build something sustainable.
And follow through isn't something that I used to be particular about, but now all of this has led me to what I teach today.
Follow through isn't just about doing the work, it's about creating a life. You don't want to escape from. Faith isn't just about trusting God's plan, it's about trusting that you can still move even when you don't have all the answers.
Success isn't about how much you accomplish. It's about whether you actually like the person you're becoming this past year. I've had to look inwards a lot because I had to rethink my life. I've had to really ask hard questions to myself. Was I really building something that was mine or was I building out of a place of.
Comparison, or was I doing what I thought others would like me to do, did I like the person I was becoming
My sister's death. My auntie says she went on a long journey. Her journey to a different place where we would see after a long time has taught me that
We should not wait till something drastic happens for us to make the changes we need to make in our life. Yes.
So if you're in a season where things don't make sense,
Where survival seems like that's all you're doing, I just need you to know. It won't always feel like this. You'll breathe again. You'll move again, and you rebuild in a way that actually feels good to you. You don't have to rush it.
You just have to trust God in order to take the next step
and you'll be okay.
If grief has taught me something, it's this. You don't have to wait until you feel light to move. You don't have to be fully healed to take the next step. You just have to trust that God will meet you in your movement as you take that step. So today I want to leave you with one question. If nothing else, what is one step you can take?
Not the whole staircase, not the whole plan, just the next move, because sometimes that's all God is asking from you dM me on Instagram @thekerenelijah, and tell me what's one thing you're choosing to do today, even while you are healing. I would really love to hear from you and remember, grief changes you, but it doesn't have to stop you.
I'll see you in the next episode.
